Grief
Grief is more than just taking a couple of days off from work to attend a service and take care of "the business of death" - legal and financial issues, etc. Grief is a process that takes time because our nervous systems are not designed to consolidate such a dramatic change all at once.
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Losing someone you love, including the loss of a pet, a loved one, or pregnancy, can have a significant impact on your life. There’s nothing that can totally prepare us for painful losses or experiences of grief, yet it’s an unavoidable part of the human experience. Often, our lives have a momentum or "the business of life" that make it difficult for us to slow down, acknowledge a loss or transition, and care for ourselves throughout that process. It can be common for people to miss that a significant loss has occurred only to recognize symptoms, like depression or apathy, creeping in later.
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You may notice that not only do you experience the pain of the loss, but you also, unconsciously, compound the pain with suffering of your own making. For example, if a person asks their partner to drive to a 24-hr. pharmacy in the middle of the night to get them medicine, and the partner dies in an accident making the trip, there is the pain of the partner dying. On top of that pain, there is also suffering if the person says to themself, "It's my fault that my partner died because I sent them out for myself." If you notice self-attacking suffering on top of grief, I can help. EMDR is a very helpful treatment to address the self-attacking suffering.
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Do you find one of the hardest parts of grief to be a sense of alone-ness? Are you around others who have their own grief to cope with and, through no one's fault, have limited capacity? Do you find well-intended people saying all the wrong things that end up making your grief worse? I take a "companioning" approach to grief, where your experience and emotions will be attended to so you don't have to do them alone.
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​Grief doesn't need a solution. It needs a witness.
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Some books I recommend:
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It's OK That You're Not OK by Megan Devine
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Healing the Adult Child's Grieving Heart by Alan Wolfelt
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Therapy offers guidance for navigating questions like: Who am I now? What’s next? How will I manage day to day? Together, we’ll find ways to honor your loss while helping you rebuild your life, your identity, and your sense of wholeness. Expect that our time together with your grief will include learning about your experience, bearing witness to your struggle, and maybe some sacred silence and/or respecting the disorder and confusion that often accompanies grief.
Compassionate curiosity will be a big part of our work. With the support of compassionate grief counseling, you truly can find wholeness, healing, restoration, and a path forward. Everyone’s experience is different, which is why I will attune to your unique needs. Though it might be hard to believe right now, it is possible to heal your pain, to grow and find yourself again even in this tumultuous season of change. If this sounds like what you need, select the "Connect with Me" button below to schedule a consultation or make an appointment.
Experiencing a Shared Loss of a Child, Pregnancy, or Unsuccessful Infertility Treatment
Have you and your partner experienced a shared loss? Would you like to have someone help you navigate the pain, grief, and emotional roller coaster together? I specialize loss involving a miscarriage, unsuccessful infertility treatments, stillbirths, and other related losses - helping both individuals and couples. I help you, as a couple, turn toward each other in your shared experience while learning how to make room for each other's unique ways of coming to terms with what life will look like going forward.
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Most women experience some degree of psychological distress after the loss of a child. For some people the symptoms of anxiety and/or depression are more long lasting and can severely interfere with a person’s ability to function. Some of the more commonly seen anxiety disorder after pregnancy/child loss are generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), acute stress disorder (ASD), and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). If you suspect you may be suffering from an anxiety disorder as a result of loss, I can help with obtaining an accurate diagnosis and treatment plan.
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The severity of continued psychological distress has no association with the number of weeks a person was pregnant and can equally affect women who have experienced an early miscarriage or stillbirth. A study from Imperial College in London found that among 186 women who experienced an early pregnancy loss, 28 percent met the criteria for PTSD after three months of follow-up.
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Whether you are impacted by continued anxiety, depression, or stress disorders, it is important to remember that you are not alone in going through this and professional support can really help you move forward. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting what happened, it is more about accepting that your loss occurred and then starting to be present in your life again rather than trapped in the past or in fear of an unknown future.
