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Codependence, Substance Use Disorder, and Compulsions 

Have you heard the saying, "Where there is no enabling, there is no addiction or compulsive behavior?" While that might be a bold statement, it makes the point that, unconsciously, people who struggle with codependency often find themselves in relationships with people who abuse substances or engage in compulsions as a maladaptive coping mechanism. Both avoid deeper emotions but in ways that, while complimentary to each other, are equally destructive. 

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Codependence

Do you struggle with:

  • Trying to control other's behavior

  • Feeling responsible for other's emotions

  • The inability to set functional boundaries

  • Avoiding open expression of feelings and direct discussion of personal and interpersonal problems

  • Care-giving to the extent that it damages you

  • Difficulty accepting compliments

  • Financially enabling someone to continue their destructive behavior

  • Allowing others to emotionally extort you by guilt-tripping you

  • Difficulty owning your own reality and instead colluding with the addictive pattern

  • Regularly allowing yourself to be taken advantage of, such as staying in a job where you do a disproportionate amount of the team's work and continue to be compensated among the lowest paid

  • Turning to food as a substitute for comfort or connection (not always codependence but often co-occurs)

  • Receiving messages in childhood that your value is in being convenient for others

  • ​A generational pattern of substance use disorder and codependence

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People suffering with codependence often feel uncomfortable with focusing on themselves and giving themselves permission for their feelings to matter. They feel motivated by guilt to enable unhealthy behavior in others, then resentment toward themselves and/or others later. If this feels like a fit, I can help.

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Some books I recommend on codependence: Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody and Codependent No More and The New Codependency by Melody Beattie.

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I have received specialized codependence recovery training from The Meadows treatment facility in Arizona, which focuses on Pia Mellody's methods using what she refers to as Post-Induction Therapy. We connect present, dysfunctional behavior and avoidance of emotions to younger experiences when you learned you had to do those things in order to stay attached to care-givers, and heal those via corrective emotional experiences. Our work may include peer support groups such as Codependents Anonymous or Al Anon. Contact me to learn more:

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Substance Use Disorder and Compulsions

Do you struggle with:

  • Telling yourself that you can quit anytime but don't

  • Having made attempts to quit but can't stick to it

  • Lying about the compulsion or addiction

  • Hiding the behavior (or money spent on it)

  • Denying it when caught

  • One or more DUIs

  • Deflecting by blaming someone else, for example, "If you would..., I wouldn't use."

  • Addressing your substance abuse on the same level as other couples issues. Substance use disorder and compulsively using pornography are behaviors that create a competing attachment to your relationship.

  • Surrounding yourself with others who use and telling yourself that everyone does it

  • Minimizing the feelings of others when they tell you how much pain your behavior causes them

  • Perceiving whether or not it is emotionally safe and healthy to experience your emotions, resulting in the compulsion to avoid them

  • Beginning a relationship with substances at a young age

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Substance abuse and compulsive behaviors do not start as the problem; rather, they start as a solution to some other problem such as avoiding difficult emotions. Once they become embedded, they can be very difficult to gain control of it without help. 

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When you meet with me for this kind of help, we first assess the appropriate level of care for the severity of dependence. If we determine that a higher level of care is required, I can refer you to outpatient or residential treatment programs. If individual therapy is appropriate, we work to understand what made it make sense to start. We look for ways to get those needs met in healthier ways. We may discuss you meeting with a psychiatric nurse practitioner or psychiatrist for a medication evaluation to see if some of the current medications may be helpful in assisting with cravings, and I can refer trusted partners in this area of expertise. Additional support may include participating in a 12-step group such as Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous.

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Some books I recommend: Alcoholics Anonymous, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts by Gabor Mate, and for technology addiction, Irresistible by Adam Alter. 

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In addition to being a Licensed Professional Counselor, I am also a Licensed Addiction Counselor. My practicum and internship were both in substance abuse treatment, and I have worked in an agency conducting Level 2 DUI Education and Therapy groups. I also offer a treatment program that meets the treatment requirement of DUI sentencing in many states.

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Whether you need help with a substance that has taken over, or a compulsion such as excessively playing video games, shopping, watching pornography, scrolling on your phone, etc., help is available. Contact me to discuss treatment:​

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