Couples

The quality of our relationships dictates the quality of our lives.

To couples considering counseling, I ask: Are you yearning for more love and connection? Instead, are you:

Fighting about the same issues without resolution?
Feeling disrespected and alone?
Lacking affection, intimacy, or sex?
Feeling betrayed or hearing how you are not trusted?

What distinguishes my work with couples is that I work not only with the “within” - the intrapsychic processes, but also on the “between” - the interpersonal processes and on how the “within” and “between” interact and mutually shape each other in their interactions. Using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) along with The Gottman Method, Imago, and Life Stages, we:

1. Identify Negative Patterns

In the first stage, the focus is on helping you to better understand your negative patterns of interacting and communicating that you repeatedly get stuck in. I help you to:

De-escalate
Better understand negative patterns of communication
Better understand what underlying feelings feed into conflict
Begin to talk more deeply about important topics in your relationship

2. Create New Patterns

In the second stage, the focus is on creating new, more effective, and more emotionally satisfying ways of interacting and communicating together. Goals include helping each of you to:

See the other in a different, more understanding light
Feel more safe and secure in talking about important things
Feel more bonded and close again, or even closer than you ever have been
Feel an increased sense of specialness and being valued again

3. Clarity and Preparedness

In the third stage, the focus is on building upon the gains that have been made and applying them directly to more specific issues within the relationship. I help you to:

Have a clear understanding of the old, negative pattern of interaction and communication
Have a clear understanding of the new, positive ways of interacting
Feel confident about having the skills and strategies to help maintain these positive interactions together
Feel prepared to end therapy with a hopeful outlook for the future

Couples Intensives

If you are looking for a "kick-start" or boost to your couples counseling - to begin with or if you have already been working for a while, or if your schedules are such that it is difficult to find regular appointments or if you are in a long-distance relationship, an intensive may be for you. While it is important to have a couples counselor to work with for ongoing treatment after the intensive to keep the positive momentum going, this can be a great way to shift your old patterns.

Intensives may be a fit if you and your partner are:

Needing shifts in your relationship dynamic
Constantly arguing or stuck in perpetual misunderstanding, assuming each other have ill intentions
Needing assistance recovering from infidelity
Thinking about separation/divorce but both desire to work through it
Wanting an intentional relationship retreat for you and your partner. To this end, there are several nice hotels and spas I can recommend to enhance this experience.

Intensives may not be a fit at this time if:

One of you wants to end the relationship and is unwilling to work on it
Domestic violence/controlling behaviors are present in the relationship
One of you engages in active substance abuse or compulsive behavior (gambling, pornography, shopping, video games, etc.) with no interest in treatment
An affair - emotional and/or sexual - was just revealed, as emotions may be too raw/heightened

I offer two-day in-person and online intensives for couples that are 10 hours of total counseling time with a lunch and breaks. If you are coming from out of town, I can recommend accommodations nearby. Contact me to schedule a consultation to learn more about an intensive couples experience:

Some books I recommend to couples:

Hold Me Tight and Love Sense by Sue Johnson
Keeping the Love You Find by Harville Hendrix

Contact Me

Discernment Counseling

Discernment Counseling is for couples with one partner wanting to make the relationship work and the other considering ending the relationship but cannot definitively decide. Discernment Counseling is not to work on the issues in the relationship, but to come to a unified decision about whether or not to work on the relationship.

In one to five 90 minute discernment counseling sessions, I facilitate a decision making process in which you choose from one of three options:

No changes. Sometimes couples choose this temporarily, for example, when a child is about to graduate high school and head off to college soon.
Split/divorce
Commit to couples counseling for a set period of time to work on issues in the relationship, during which splitting up is off the table but can be re-visited with new information at the conclusion of the agreed time

Without the dedicated effort of both motivated partners, there is no contract for couples therapy, and sometimes that needs to be determined first. Even if you decide to split, discernment counseling helps you to have a clear decision and plan for moving forward.

Denver EMDR therapist couples counseling

Couples Experiencing a Shared Loss

Are you and your partner looking for help with a shared loss?
Are you and your partner experiencing grief over unsuccessful infertility treatments?
Have you lost a child and are struggling to turn toward each other or make sense about how each of you is grieving differently?

Miscarriages are not often mourned in a community, which can leave you feeling isolated. Because of this isolation, we may begin therapy by confirming that what you’re feeling after a miscarriage is real. It is a part of your life story. Therefore, your own grieving or needs around it are real. You may not have known you were feeling strongly about the pregnancy until you experienced the miscarriage. It’s important to acknowledge those feelings with others rather than dealing with the pain in isolation.

Sometimes bringing your partner into therapy can help you move through the grief together. It can be beneficial to have someone there to help you voice what happened, as well as lend support that you are struggling with the miscarriage. They can also be there to say, “I’m struggling with the miscarriage too.”

Contact me to learn more about how I work with couples sharing a loss: