Is your partnership:
In need of a tune-up?
At the point you have decided to split and need assistance to transition with dignity and respect?
When you feel overwhelmed by indecision or emotion, I offer a space full of empathy and patience so you can find your way to a harmonious existence. Your time in my office will be spent growing and facing some of the patterns that may be holding you back, all while being supported.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a well-researched, evidence-based approach for working with partnership distress. I use this approach to create a shift in partners’ interactional positions and initiate new cycles of interaction. More can be read about EFT at:
One of the signs of a healthy partnership is when each person wakes up every day looking for ways to support and enhance their partner’s self-esteem. I help couples re-discover the joy and fun in their relationship so they feel inspired to care for each other emotionally.
Discernment Counseling is for mixed agenda couples - one partner is leaning in and wanting to make the relationship work, and the other partner is leaning out - seriously considering ending the relationship but cannot decide.
In discernment counseling, we do not work on the issues in the relationship. Instead, in one to five 90 minute sessions, I facilitate a decision making process in which you choose from one of three options:
status quo - nothing changes
commit to couples counseling for a set period of time, during which splitting up is off the table but can be re-visited with new information at the conclusion of the agreed time.
Discernment counseling can be an important step before moving into couples counseling when only one partner wants to work on the relationship. Even if you decide to split, discernment counseling helps both partners with a clear decision and plan for moving forward.
Drs. John and Julie Gottman, authors, professors, and researchers with over 40 years of data on couples, report that with very high accuracy they can predict couples will divorce within the next several years if they consistently demonstrate the following in their relationship:
Defensiveness – rather than address the issue at hand, you or your partner try to put it back on the other person in an attempt to make it their fault
Stonewalling – you or your partner shut down/stop communicating
Criticism – from nit-picking/needling to outright verbally attacking
Contempt – like criticism but with an air of condescension
From Gottman’s The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
If you recognize any of these in your relationship, don’t wait to address them. Many counselors report their biggest challenge is that couples wait too long to seek help.
Whatever the topic – division of labor, money, sex, in-laws - in counseling, we address the underlying issues and dynamic patterns that have gotten your relationship off track and help you to feel good about who you are in the context of your relationships.