The quality of our relationships dictates the quality of our lives.
To couples considering counseling, I ask: Are you yearning for more love and connection? Instead, are you:
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Fighting about the same issues without resolution?
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Feeling disrespected and alone?
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Lacking affection, intimacy, or sex?
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Feeling betrayed or hearing how you are not trusted?
What distinguishes my work with couples is that I work not only with the “within,” the intrapsychic processes, but also on the “between,” the interpersonal processes and on how the “within” and “between” interact and mutually shape each other in that interaction. Using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) along with The Gottman Method, Imago, and Life Stages, we:
1. Identify Negative Patterns
In the first stage, the focus is on helping you to better understand your negative patterns of interacting and communicating that you repeatedly get stuck in. I help you to:
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De-escalate
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Better understand negative patterns of communication
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Better understand what underlying feelings feed into conflict
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Begin to talk more deeply about important topics in your relationship
2. Create New Patterns
In the second stage, the focus is on creating new, more effective, and more emotionally satisfying ways of interacting and communicating together. Goals include helping each of you to:
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See the other in a different, more understanding light
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Feel more safe and secure in talking about important things
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Feel more bonded and close again, or even closer than you ever have been
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Feel an increased sense of specialness and being valued again
3. Clarity and Preparedness
In the third stage, the focus is on building upon the gains that have been made and applying them directly to more specific issues within the relationship. I help you to:
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Have a clear understanding of the old, negative pattern of interaction and communication
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Have a clear understanding of the new, positive ways of interacting
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Feel confident about having the skills and strategies to help maintain these positive interactions together
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Feel prepared to end therapy with a hopeful outlook for the future
Discernment Counseling
Discernment Counseling is for couples with one partner wanting to make the relationship work and the other considering ending the relationship but cannot decide.
In one to five 90 minute discernment counseling sessions, I facilitate a decision making process in which you choose from one of three options:
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No changes. Sometimes couples choose this temporarily, for example, when a child is about to graduate high school and head off to college soon.
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Split/divorce
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Commit to couples counseling for a set period of time, during which splitting up is off the table but can be re-visited with new information at the conclusion of the agreed time
Without the dedicated effort of both motivated partners, there is no contract for couples therapy, and sometimes that needs to be determined first. Even if you decide to split, discernment counseling helps you to have a clear decision and plan for moving forward.
Tell me how you were loved and I will tell you how you love others.
